I am always prepared to point a finger where it belongs, and it is typically pointed right at me. I can't expect other people to change, I am the one that requires the changing if I feel it necessary.
This is NOT about anyone other than me. It is my observation and experience whether personally or through the work I do. PERIOD. If it hits a nerve, then maybe I have created an awareness for you.
I got a huge lesson in NOT listening to my gut. It is the one thing that is always on hyper-alert and I have truly learned to honor it. I didn't, and it came back to bite me in the ass.
I am a firm believer in the "Pebble, brick, boulder" theory. That the Universe will first send you a pebble, a minor irritation, a glitch. We feel it in our gut that this doesn't feel right. But you make a choice to walk through that feeling and a brick occurs, and if you ignore the brick, you get............well, I think you get what you get. LOL.
However, I am also a firm believer that even when we choose against our gut feelings, there are some remarkable blessings that occur. We just have to make our way through it emotionally first, and then spin it into perspective.
I had to make my way to Kamloops for awhile, and on the day I was due to fly out, the flight was delayed and I had to rebook to the following day. That, as far as I was concerned, was my pebble. For even as I was getting ready to board I was not feeling good about it. But the cavalier in me (ego) said to self, "You have the ticket in your hand, you have put out some money to do this, now get on that plane." So I did.
I contracted a virus and was under infection and contagion control for the first three weeks of my setting foot in the Loops. Get cleared, do a little bit of work, get exposed to contagion, get REALLY sick! Yep. I got strep (go ahead giggle, because the amount of pressure cooker I have been under has been BOULDER!!!!) and it went rogue and I had an infection in my one and only kidney. EXTREME antibiotics for 10 days and a re-visit to get the all clear.
If that wasn't what the Universe was warning me about before hopping on the plane, then what was it? LOL
However, there really are no mistakes on lessons, so here's what I have learned.
I don't have to accept toxic behavior from myself or others. I am committed to creating that change within myself. As a certain stylist I know once said, "I had a wishbone where my backbone should have been". My backbone is solidly in place and my wish has been given over to the Universe to care for.
I was busy trying to think for other people. Mybad. I am onto me now, and I will only think for myself.
I have the right, as we all do, to set very firm and healthy boundaries. I live my life 80/20. 80% focused on positive and 20% on negative. Negatives have value, but I try and spin it as quickly as I can but honor the feelings as I move through things.
I needed a rest. I wasn't listening. So the Universe gave me a sit down and shut up BOULDER!
I have been on bedrest, being still, enjoying every single minute of it.
I am grateful. Grateful for the challenges, because the rewards have been greater. I have reclaimed my position as Goddess. I am not playing small anymore. I am playing big. Don't you think we have all kept ourselves small long enough?
And then this hit me! A blog whose time has come. All because I sat down and shut up. A habit I am working on without having to get sick.