Okay, so, the past couple of weeks have been, in some aspects, absolute shit! I'm gonna tell it like I feel it. Add to this Mercury Retrograde coming into rule for three weeks and BAM! Miscommunications, machines on the blink, crabby people, injuries above the norm, etc. etc. etc.
That's what happens when Mercury enters Retrograde. That said, I firmly believe buying into the negativity of Mercury Retrograde can add to the furor already surrounding it. I am lucky enough to understand that everything that gets brought up or happens, truly happens for a reason. While we might not know it at the time, all things are eventually revealed. And, while we cannot control what happens energetically on a Universal level, we are able to manage how we react energetically to this time frame.
Almost three weeks ago, I woke up to a dislocated jaw. Yep, woke up to it. Just.....like...that. As someone who is already far beyond in tune, imagine having every single aspect of Mercury Retrograde felt to the depths of my being and earlier than it's slated appointed timeframe because it is "moving into it". Blech!
I also found myself the recipient of my first "hate mail" which after reading the subject line "You and Your Kind Will Burn in Hell" and first sentence, "What gives you the right to tell people you communicate with the dead you charlatan". Needless to say, that was the straw that broke this camel's back. Kicked when I was already down. (I deleted the email almost immediately and did not want to keep it for posterity's sake, lol. My first "fan" mail. lol)
With that, here's what frame of mind I found myself in.
I wanted to give up. Period. On one of my biggest dreams. "The Mountain Medium".
I had been ordered into a non-talking phase, and I had had no choice but to "dig deep" once again. Why has all this happened? Well, as you know me, I have learned to turn my why's into what's and here is what has happened.
I let everything "get me". Ego ran amuck. And I needed to move into a state of grace and allow the feelings to wash over and through me. To not resist the process and feelings so that they didn't persist. I am blessed to say that I am out of the "giving up" phase and have learned so much in the past two and a half weeks. Never mind the last few days.
Here's what I have learned:
1) Mercury in Retrograde isn't an easy time. For anyone. I am hearing all sorts of things "coming up" for people. Machines breaking down, people breaking down, the gamut of "backwards". It doesn't mean that nothing is going to work out. It means we have been given a really big learning opportunity. That everything that comes up is a chance to grow and learn through a "dark time". Learn to love ourselves more, learn to love others more. For it is truly what will make this world go around even in the "darkest days".
2) People "hate". They hate what they don't understand and are working form THEIR OWN frame of reference. It doesn't mean that you are hated. Clearly something has gone on in their world to have them feel the need to react in this way. It is THEIR reaction and your reaction to it that determines the outcome.
I lost it. It just added to what I was feeling about "giving up". The doubt was already there and it split it wide open. BEAUTIFUL! That mail and my reaction to it paved the way for something more amazing. The ability to reside in Unconditional Love. Human isn't easy. Neither is Unconditional Love. However -
3) Unconditional Love is something I am committed to. We all have the ability if we make the choice to do so. I love myself more than that. I love my work more than that. In fact, I said a prayer for that person thanking them for creating the situation because it really made me come out fighting. For me. For the work. For love. And removing judgment from my life. For in order to unconditionally love someone, we must look past their actions, words, clothes, hair, etc. and see them for who they really are. A Spiritual Being (at the core) having a human experience. I do not have the right to interefere with their Human Experience, regardless of what they are doing. That is not to mean I will not fight for keeping someone safe. It means their choices are THEIR choices. Who am I to judge that? I have absolutely no right. None of us do.
4) In the moment of wanting to "give in" we are on the verge of something amazing. It is at the time when things appear "the worst", that we must hold hope that things are heading into the moment of being another breakthrough moment of amazingness. I posted a Facebook Entrepreneurship Scale of how things build. One of those moments is "the dip", when things appear "the worst". It is then we must hold on tight because we are about to be gifted something beyond our wildest dreams. And, while we might not know what it is or how it's going to look, we must hold out our hands, prepared to embrace the gift we are about to receive.
I believe I have received my gift(s). Two members of my care team Here helped me through these "dark days" and helped me come out the "other side". Lol. Other Side. ha ha ha
I want to thank first and foremost the Other Side, pure Heaven. For giving me the experiences over the past few weeks to learn from. And my angels Here.
My Carrie for allowing me to have my hissy fit and call myself all sorts of names while I was "in it" and needing to embrace "the dark". My friend Monique who was there to complete "the cry" necessary to release the fears I was having and the hurt I was still holding onto.
They both cheered me on as physical hosts of the good grace of God. Reminding me that I had every right to feel what I was feeling and that something really awesome must be coming if this is what I was going through.
I have learned so much with Mercury moving into Retrograde and it has been DIFFICULT! I rest knowing that I have taken really good care of myself, allowed others to care for me, and that everything IS okay. I am exactly where I need to be. It is the time of amazingness.
I have learned what is important to me. And it's me. Nothing else. Just me. Medium or not, wife or not, it is life itself. And by the grace of God, I am here to have another day, and I will make the best of it. Even when I am at my worst. For in that moment. I am loved. And there's NOTHING like the love of Self and the love of Others.